Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There are some nations where military
service
is compulsory for teenagers just after they finish high school, either men or women. I disagree with this
policy because some people
are not prepared to do this
kind of training and some of them do not have the required skills.
To begin
, the main problem is the fact of forcing anyone around 18 years old to attend
the Armed Forces. Some Verb problem
join
people
perhaps do not like this
type of service
or sometimes do have not the proper physical abilities. As a result
, these people
will become bad soldiers and others cannot be selected.
For example
, in Brazil, when a boy complete 18 years old, he has to apply for compulsory military service
. The majors are dismissed, by chance, due to
the limitation of vacations. So, some people
more prepared to do this
service
cannot attend, whereas
others not prepared can be chosen. Moreover
, this
period of working for the Armed Forces can difficult for further
studies to enrol on a university. Considering that the usual time for this
compulsory job is around 1 year, people
have to wait this
time to apply for tertiary education. As a consequence
, these young men will be late to attend university and work in the future.
On the other hand
, there are some benefits to adopting this
system, especially in developing countries where there are few options for further
education. So, the military service
can be an opportunity for poor people
to begin
a career. Additionally
, military service
is a good way to make new friends and learn some values such
as honour, discipline, and responsibility.
To conclude
, I believe that this
sort of service
should be optional. Only men or women that like this
area should do it. In this
way, the results for the country will be better and people
will attend more happily.Submitted by fmulato on
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Task Achievement
Consider the perspective of supporting your main points with more varied and specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive understanding of your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to enhance the flow of your essay. While your essay is structured logically, additional cohesive devices could improve the overall coherence.
Task Achievement
Try to explore both sides of the argument with equal depth. Although you've provided some benefits of military service, a more balanced exploration could enrich your essay's persuasive element.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly present your position, effectively framing your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your arguments are well-structured, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Task Achievement
The use of a real-life example (Brazil) provides a tangible context to your argument, enhancing the reader's engagement.