In some countries, people these days spend very little time with their children. What are the causes of this? Whom does this affect more, parents or children?
Globally, human beings are working every day to support their families,
however
, this
can cause them to stay away from their infants.Therefore
, this
can result in loneliness and I would like to suggest that many sons and daughters are mostly affected by this
situation, although
parents
will suffer mentally too.Hence
, in this
essay, I am going to discuss why children are affected more.
Commencing, most of the fathers and mothers are grafting at least six days in
a week and taking long shifts Change preposition
apply
such
as 12 to 16 hour
shifts.Add a hyphen
16-hour
Additionally
, without doing this
, it will be a problem so
that they cannot afford to feed their adolescents and not even buy them clothes or electric gadgets.Correct word choice
apply
Meanwhile
a child is always demanding, others Add a comma
Meanwhile,
wants
to go Change the verb form
want
to
vacation and as a Change preposition
on
parent
you have to pay Add a comma
parent,
tuitions
all the Fix the agreement mistake
tuition
time
to keep them growing wisely.Furthermore
, mostly
juveniles are in troubleCorrect your spelling
most
,
because they are spending most of their Remove the comma
apply
time
without their parents
which can cause loneliness diseases, since parents
are always at work.A very good example to mention is that,
those who are based in the UK, for a family to survive, they must graft 24/7 to get enough salary which covers bills, transport, insurance Remove the comma
apply
as well as
food.
Moreover
, many teens are always stay
without someone who can look after them, Verb problem
apply
this
is because some of
current Change preposition
apply
parents
are studying whilst they are getting old.An example to illustrate that could be people in my native country Zimbabwe, some of these family members travel to Poland and England to study nursing degree for about three years.Thus
, they did this
in the sense that they can support their teenagers in the long run but at the same time
children will be alone in Africa.This
is clear that a toddler need
his or her parent to grow up with Change the verb form
needs
discpline
and will not suffer from depression Correct your spelling
discipline
while
thinking of their parents
.
To conclude
, in the world, parents
are always work
and save money for their future lives, Change the verb form
are always working
however
, their chidren
are suffering from loneliness Correct your spelling
children
due to
the fact that they spend less time
with their parents
.Submitted by cajaah93 on
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sentence structure
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more dynamic and engaging.
argument balance
Try to provide more balanced viewpoints, especially when discussing whom the issue affects more. Including some specific insights or studies could enrich your argumentation.
word choice
Be cautious with your choice of words to avoid repetition and to ensure precision in your language. For example, using synonyms can help keep the reader engaged.
paragraph organization
Work on organizing your paragraphs more clearly by starting each with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea you will discuss. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
example use
You effectively provided specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
task completion
You succeeded in covering all parts of the task, presenting causes of the issue as well as discussing whom it affects more.
Your opinion
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