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Band 5

As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

#cars #level #pollution #cities
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is utilizing vehicles with fossil and benzol engines ,
that
Correct word choice
which
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as a result
causing
Wrong verb form
cause
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 worldwide contamination. It is undeniable that rapid transportation has become an essential part of our life.
However
, these days
such
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
transports
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transport
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cause several environmental distractions
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
nature
Replace the word
natural
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pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
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. One of the main aspects of the problem is that cars with environmentally unfriendly motors , substantially damage the
earth
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earth's
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 soil and air wealth.
By contrast
the
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apply
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modern technologies use engines that
made
Add a missing verb
are made
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 up
from
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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black oil, which unfortunately produces
quantity
Add an article
a quantity
the quantity
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 of detrimental gases, afterwards breaking the ozone layer .
This
 type of
fuels
Fix the agreement mistake
fuel
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 are
the
Change the article
apply
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one of the most undesirable products
in
Change preposition
on
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 the planet.
Therefore
 automobiles
provide
Verb problem
cause
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 several global disasters that are impossible to cooperate with. To tackle these problems government should restrict the production of these minerals by abandoning and divorcing
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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 petrol industry. Inhabitants
although
Correct word choice
apply
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could shorten the usage of cars,
and
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apply
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moving by public transportation, that
although
 more will lift up the city's infrastructure.
This
 may be the easiest and so the best way is to encourage people to purchase
water motored
Add a hyphen
water-motored
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 and electric cars or at least
obtaining
Wrong verb form
obtain
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 vehicles with biodiesels will bring success. Having weighed everything mentioned
up
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apply
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, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 conclusion that governors must stop manufacturing the oil. So it would not be surprising to see some shortages in using the ecological harmful agencies in the near future. Actions must be taken urgently,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
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 we will get the extinction of flora and fauna, another option could be making the earth with no biodiversity and humanity.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentence Structure
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Content Depth
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Thesis Statement
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Evidence
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Linking Words
For better coherence and cohesion, use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the issue at hand and provides solutions, indicating a good level of task achievement.
Logical Structure
You demonstrated an ability to organize thoughts into paragraphs, which helps with the logical flow of the essay.
Complete Structure
You included both an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential for a complete essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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