Some people today believe that the world’s increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase in necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Some would argue that
up-going
trend Correct word choice
the ongoing
of
the globe’s Change preposition
in
population
will cause an international crisis, others
tend to think that Correct word choice
while others
this
phenomenon will influence the community and economy. Although
,
the Remove the comma
apply
increase
in population
lead
to the development Change the verb form
leads
in
distinctive spheres, I believe that it causes a serious depletion of resources and pollution.
On the one hand, growth in the number of people will enhance the competitiveness. Countries would Change preposition
of
endeavor
to make breakthroughs in different areas, which would have a great impact on Change the spelling
endeavour
economy
. Add an article
the economy
Hence
, the demand in the market would rise. For example
, the most populated country China is one the developed nations in the world, due to
the high quantity of people living there allowed them to make advancements in technology. However
, I believe that this developments
on the Earth related to the Change the determiner
this development
these developments
increase
in birth rate would exacerbate the future of humanity.
On the other hand
, overpopulation will disturb the environment, consuming more resources than they should. This
puts
a huge threat Verb problem
poses
on
the future of Earth, as Change preposition
to
deprivation
of natural materials will cause a global crisis. Correct article usage
the deprivation
Furthermore
, increase
in Correct article usage
an increase
population
impact on pollution level
, which puts a huge strain on health Fix the agreement mistake
levels
service
, since Fix the agreement mistake
services
the
diseases spread faster when the conditions are suitable. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, high
density of people and contamination in India appeals Correct article usage
the high
most
bacteria and viruses leading to health problems. I believe Change preposition
to most
disturbance
of Correct article usage
the disturbance
environment
is a bigger dilemma, which deteriorates the planet.
In conclusion, despite the fact that world Correct article usage
the environment
population
increase
enables to develop
the communities, leading to the improvements in globe, Verb problem
apply
this
causes the overconsumption and spread of illnesses at excessive
rate.Add an article
an excessive
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General
Your essay presents a well-structured argument discussing both sides of the population growth issue, concluding with a clear personal stance. To further enhance your essay, consider introducing a wider range of complex sentence structures and vocabulary. This will not only demonstrate your language proficiency but also make your argument more compelling.
Introduction
In your introduction, try to make your thesis statement more pronounced by directly stating your main argument. This helps to immediately orient the reader to your perspective on the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, endeavor to use a variety of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Well-chosen transitions can significantly enhance the flow of your argument.
Body Paragraphs
When providing examples or discussing viewpoints, ensure you delve deeper into how these support your main arguments. Incorporating more detailed analysis or evidence can strengthen the persuasiveness of your essay.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, restate your main points briefly before reaffirming your own stance. This reinforces your argument and leaves a strong impression on the reader.
Task Achievement
You've effectively discussed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before stating your own opinion.
Structure
Your essay structure is logical and clear, with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections, which helps in maintaining good coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
Examples
You've provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which enhances the overall effectiveness of your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.